Michelle Baleka

Published in the Spring 2015 issue of Symposium. This piece originated from two sources. In a special year-long creative writing class my professor gave us an assignment where we had to de-familiarize something, meaning we had to write a story that described something as if the characters were experiencing it for the first time, or to present something common in a unique way, as if the reader was experiencing it for the first time. While trying to think of ideas, I recalled a video I had once seen of a woman receiving a cochlear implant that allowed her to hear for the first time. I remembered the joyous and overwhelmed expression that appeared on that woman’s face as she realized she could hear the voices of the people around her, and the tears that followed. I was amazed. As a person who absolutely loves music, singing, and is learning a foreign language because I love the way it sounds, it’s impossible for me to imagine what life would be like without the ability to hear. Thinking of this video and wondering what it would be like to experience such a life changing event, I wrote “First Strains.” I can only imagine the overwhelming sense of shock, joy, and wonder one would experience when hearing for the first time, and I wanted to try to tap into that feeling, to immerse myself in what it would feel like to experience these sensations for the first time after years of silence. In the hopes that the reader will be more immersed in the story, I have left the main character unnamed and refrained from disclosing gender, writing in the first person in hopes the reader will be able to identity with and imagine themselves in the protagonist’s position. 

My inspiration for “Tomorrow” originated from my desire to write an emotional work that would show how a tragic event can cause a sudden change in an individual’s emotional and mental state. I have known quite a few people who have lost babies to miscarriages, including my own mother, who continued to try to conceive despite being told she never could. While she was successful, I often wondered how people could continue to try after losing a baby. This is something I imagine would take immense emotional strength, and I couldn’t help but imagine what it must feel like to be in that position, and how a woman might eventually decide to stop trying if she continued to have miscarriages. Part of my inspiration also arises from the fact that I have stated that I do not want children, to which I have been told many times that this feeling will change one day when I am older. This gave me an idea for the main character. Wanting to explore these ideas and emotions, I decided to write “Tomorrow.”  The characters are unnamed so that anyone can identify with them, and when I took my piece to a creative writing workshopping class, a student told me she found the story frightening and moving because she wishes to be a mother one day. Using the comments and suggestions that workshopping session generated, as well as some fresh ideas of my own, I have revised the piece, changing the beginning nearly entirely. My goal with the narrative structure of the story is to begin with showing the happiness of the narrator’s relationship and her feelings of hope, and then to twist the entire tone of the narrative as she descends into grief, guilt, and defeat.

I felt this was an important story to write. As someone who has friends who suffer with mental illnesses, such as depression, anxiety, and even a friend with schizophrenia, I have a strong wish to see stories that do not shy away from the reality of mental illness and its severity, but that also offer a message of hope for healing. It is important to me that these stories depict mental illness in a realistic way, that neither romanticizes nor condemns, and that is what I have attempted to do with “Sisters.”

Over a year ago, I had written a story about two sisters, in which one of them commits suicide. The focus of that story was on coping with such a loss, and understanding the importance of seeking help. However, I was not completely satisfied with what I had written, and decided to use only the basic concepts of that story to form the foundation for something completely different. “Sisters” is a story that offers far greater hope than the previous iteration, especially since the sister suffering with depression in this story does not succeed in her attempt. As I have a friend who has been in and out of hospitals due to her clinical depression, I wanted to compose a story that offers a sense of understanding, encouragement, and the possibility of healing with the right help.

Through this piece, I hope to convey the message that there is always hope that we can come to realizations before it is too late, that we have the power to change, to learn how to listen, and to understand the suffering of others. That we can help and try to seek help for what is destroying us before it wins, and that we need to be aware of the signs of emotional pain.